Learning!

I seem to find more and more about myself as I endeavor on this journey of losing weight. It seems that God puts things in my way so that I can actually see who I am. I read the BFL tracker daily. I don't always comment on it.

I do read tons of articles on how to succeed in every part of my life. I seem to sabotage anything good. Take for instance my losing weight. I have lost 5 pounds and have stayed there. I have not pushed myself to lose another 5 pounds. I want to, oh God do I want to. The past three weeks have been so half heartily done. I have eaten crappy and have not completed my workouts 6 days a week. I can get 3 or 4 in but never to the point. It’s like I give up in everything I do. Take for instance my work. I tell myself I am going to wear decent cloths and makeup and I still wake up late and I put on jeans because it is the easiest and fastest way. I know that to move up in this world you have push yourself. If I had to climb a ladder to reach anything I want to achieve and there is only 10 steps on this ladder. I could only get to step five. I am always looking up. Wondering why I can never get to the top. I know at work there is stuff that could be done that could push me forward but I do things at the last minute. Is it because I am comfortable. Yet I am not! I kick myself all the time because I want to be better and I want to improve. Wanting and doing are totally different I know that, but once I start I stop half way. WTF

Let me list my goals.

1) Lose 25 pounds - In a bikini this summer
2) Ripped Abs
3) In the process of this - Win 2007 BFL
4) Improve my income!
5) Work - Call other directors to acquire information on salary caps, document all job titles, and be prepared for review. SIS set schedule, Erate completed, clean up area.
6) Out with the old in the new. (I started on my closet and a few cabinets in the kitchen)
7) Keep the house, car, and myself clean.
8) Pay off my school loan
9) get out of debt
10) Become financially secure - so that I could buy what I need and WANT

I could go on and on. The secret - great movie. Tells me to create a dream board. Cut out things that you want and dream about it. I have tons of things cut out. But nothing is glued on a board. Why don't I ever finish what I start. I believe I am worth it yet my actions speack other wise. I am done reading all the self help books and I am done talking about it. I am ready to push through this half assed stuff and begin to live the life I want.

So actions that need to take place first. Work, then workout, have hubby take my pictures for BFL, and then begin on my dream board.