Thursday, March 13, 2008

This week has been eye opening.

In the past days I have watched what I have been eating and killing myself at the same time. I finally have concluded I really do have a problem with food. I have just exchanged one addiction for another. My Sick way of the thinking has put me over the edge and into a very destructive path. I remember just two days ago as I was eating something I really did not want, My body was saying "NOOOOOOO", crying and I just kept shoveling it in the mouth. I make excuses after excuses and I am so sick of myself and my life that it is Gods time to intervene. I can't do this on my own no more.

Yesterday was my birthday and I turned 36 and I swore to myself that I would never ever get fat EVER. As I looked in the mirror I seen cellulite on the back of my arms. A very dear friend of mine bought my two shirts and a cute dress all larges and I am still way to big for them. So I thought to myself this is it. I got on the scale last night (which I have not for some time) and I weighed in at 189!!! This is by far the biggest I have ever been.

I know that I am at my best when I am working out at a gym. I know this. I watch what I eat, I have a very good support group there. I have allowed my job, money, and the stress of it all to take control and just run me in the ground.

Last night I went online and looked for help. I went to Overeater's Anonymous. It was late at night so that there was no online meetings at the time but I am going to follow thru with this. This is not like alcohol and drugs where you just stop. You have to eat. I can't do this.

On a side note that does relate to this. I have noooooo money and I have no way to get back to the gym. So I think I am going to go ahead and talk to the owner of Southwest Fitness and see if I could create a startup web page for them in lieu of a one year membership. I just started working in dream weaver so this would be basic but hey its worth a try. So I am going to ask today.

I am ready to change! I just need God' Grace in this matter. "God Help!!!"

No comments: