Expo, Dreams, and Reality

It seems that when I can’t seem to see why things happen for a reason I sabotage my progress. I planned on going to the EXPO. I asked everyone to go with me and NO BODY wanted to go. Except my mom. So we planned to go. Well then about a month ago she told me with all the weather that they are getting that my mom would not be able to afford to go. (My dad owns a roofing company) I was soooooo disappointed. Actually I was devastated! I wanted to go to the BFL and the Arnold Expo so badly. So for the past three weeks I have eaten crappy and I have not been getting all my workouts in. Last week I went to the gym only one time. I finally put two and two together and realized that I was destroying a dream. I am hurting inside so let’s make it completely miserable.

I wanted to go to this expo and meet everyone, plus from my understanding that the BFL will not be held with the Arnold classic next year. I am angry, mad, frustrated, confused, sad, and disappointed. I know there is an underlining resentment there as well. My husband got to go to Dayton 500 last year, I was promised a cruise in January and we were to go to North Carolina for our first family vacation ever and all of it got ripped away because my husband was hunting illegally and tore his Achilles tendon. So for the past three months I have had to cater to him and try to do everything and remain sane. Just when you think you see light at the end of the tunnel. Bam you get hit with a train wreak.

On the flip side, I am so happy for those who are going and I will be logged on all weekend long and watch from afar. I think me just getting this out and not keeping this poison inside has helped me already. The BFL Expo will be here and gone and I will still be fat. So it is time for action to step in again and next year be at the Expo a BFL Champion winner. Make it count!

I think what is amazing here and how dumb I feel that it took me three weeks to really get to my problem and see it for what it is. I seen it, I feel it, I understand it, I have dealt with it, Now MOVE ON!